Her Turn
"Why Can''t He Wait For Me to Make the First Move?"
"My husband can''t get enough in bed. You''d think
that after nearly 15 years of
marriage, Sean''s libido would have cooled, but no -- he still wants sex every single day. Sometimes, I''m too exhausted from working and taking care of the kids to be romantic. But the few times I''ve told him I''m not in the mood, he''s pestered me and pouted until I gave in. Even in the middle of the night, if Sean gets the urge, he''ll press himself against me or fidget until I wake up.
"It upsets me that I can''t say no to my husband. But I''m also angry at his pressure tactics. Why can''t Sean ever wait for me to make the first move? It''s not that I don''t enjoy sex -- he''s a caring and generous lover -- but I just want to do it on my terms sometimes. I''m so angry that I don''t feel emotionally connected to him anymore.
"I was 18 when I was introduced to Sean by a friend. I felt instant sparks: At 20, Sean was kind and more sophisticated than the other guys I''d dated, and we came from very similar backgrounds. I fell in love with him fast.
"Four months after we met, Sean talked me into having sex. I was a good wait-for-the-wedding-night Catholic girl who wasn''t emotionally ready, but I was afraid I''d lose him if I refused. Afterward, I felt guilty and mad at Sean for being so pushy. From then on, he expected us to do it on every date. I didn''t like that, either, but I never complained to him, because everything else in our
relationship was going great. A year later, we got married.
"The early years were rocky, in large part because we were just so young. Sean worked long hours in his family''s wholesale plumbing supply business, and I was finishing my degree, so we didn''t spend much time together. Two years into our marriage, I''m ashamed to say that I had a one-night stand with a guy I met on a trip to New York. I''m the one who initiated it out of loneliness and boredom, but I felt dirty afterward.
"I immediately broke off contact with the guy, but over the next few months he sent me cards -- one of which Sean found by accident. When he confronted me, I cried and promised that I''d never cheat again. Sean was so heartbroken that he threatened divorce, and I didn''t blame him. However, while we were weighing our options, I became pregnant. We hadn''t stopped having sex during this rough patch in our marriage -- and we decided to stay together for the sake of our baby.
"Sean and I put all of our energies into raising Michael, who''s now 13. As our relationship improved, we expanded our family and had three more children: Steven is 11; Joseph, 8; and Emily, 3. I loved being a stay-at-home mother, and Sean was happy to be the sole breadwinner.
"Then, before Emily was born, we suddenly fell on hard times. Sean was fired from his family''s business and went to work for a pharmaceutical company, which meant taking a drastic pay cut. I got my job with the telecommunications company to bring in more money. At one point, our financial situation was so tight that the kids didn''t attend birthday parties because we couldn''t afford to buy gifts. The financial pressure put plenty of stress on our relationship, but it didn''t do anything to slow down Sean''s sex drive.
"If anything, Sean has become more sexually adventurous, always wanting to try new positions. I give in, because even after all these years, I still feel guilty about my fling and don''t feel comfortable rejecting Sean. Not to mention the fact that mad at me if I say no. If I make so much as a parenting decision that he doesn''t support, he goes ballistic. So I try to keep the peace.
"For instance, sometimes I buy the kids new clothes or shoes even though we don''t have enough money in our account. I don''t always tell Sean, but he finds out anyway when he balances the checkbook, and he explodes. Then after his tirades, he wants ''make-up sex''!
"Sean''s demands and his anger are making me miserable. I''m putting on a brave face for the kids'' sake, but I feel so empty in this marriage. I wish Sean and I could start our relationship over."
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