She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. She had evidently had it all of her life. She was paranoid about taking medicines
and so she waited for months after seeing her doctor to take her first pill for her illness.
It didn''t seem to bad, that first pill was after all, a mountain climbed. It gave her a sort of buzz. And to think she hadn''t even taken the full dose. She had taken only half. She was of course scared of pills and the effect they might have on her.
As each day went by, she became more and more brave and began
taking the right amount.
She no longer felt the buzz and really didn''t notice a difference in her personality, except for the fact that she no longer yelled at her kids and
husband, she no longer argued. What she didn''t notice was that she no longer hugged her kids or husband, she no longer cleaned house, or had friends. She slept. Day in and day out. On her doctors appointments she would tell her doctor that she felt fine. Of course she did, she was sleeping her life away. He would then put her on another medication to go with the first. She would take it and lose interest in more things, such as taking baths, eating, being awake.
Withen 6 months, she was taking 4 medications. Risperdal, Lamictal, Xanax, Paxil.
She really didn''t know why she was taking them or what for, but she trusted her doctor and so she took them faithfully.
Years passed.
One day, out of the blue, she got a letter from her doctor.
He refused to see her any more. She was devasted. She called the office, "Why?"
They told her it was because she had rescheduled 9 times in 5 years. What they couldn''t understand was that those were the times she couldn''t pull herself out of bed.
She was scared. Where would she get her meds?
There was no other doctors in this small town. He was it.
She would have to get off the meds.
She slowly weaned herself off the Risperdal. She weaned herself off the Lamictal and the Xanax, but when she tried to wean herself off the Paxil, she began having withdrawls. Terrible ones. She called her family doctor and her family doctor told her what to do.
About a week after she was completely off the medications, she woke up.
It scared her to death!
Her kids were grown and she hadn''t seen them in years.
She cried constantly. She thought she might lose her mind.
She could remember nothing of the 5 yaers she was on meds.
Everything was too clear, too bright, too loud.
She had trouble remembering from day to day, minute to minute. The medications had affected her vision, her memory, her emotions.
She couldn''t sleep.
She lost from 165 lbs to 92 lbs in 5 months.
Her hair began falling out. She had lost all of her sexual drive.
She had to get to know her kids and husband again.
Her kids would hug her and tell her how glad they were to have her back. How they had missed her.
She lives with guilt everyday now. She lives with hurt.
She refuses to go back on meds.
She knows she is bipolar, but off meds, she knows when she hugs her kids, kisses her husband, says I love you. She will never give that up again.