Over the years I''ve tried many times to give up
smoking. Along the way
I''ve subjected myself to some of the ''recommended'' methods. If you are
thinking about giving up, here are some ways not to go about it.
TRY TO CUT DOWN
This is the cowards way out - and you
know it. "I''ll just have one now,
and no more till twelve o clock" you''ll say. Then you''ll hit a stress
situation at ten-thirty and have two cigarettes to calm you down. But
they don''t count do they?
USE PATCHES
These are just an excuse to flash your body at people. You''ll all do it
- lifting up your shirt or blouse to show off your "battle bandage".
And you''ll still need something to do with your hands, so you''ll have a
cigarette.
USE NICOTINE GUM
You''ll need to masticate constantly to get any kind of buzz. Your gums
will hurt, your jaw will ache, your mouth will taste like a stale
ashtray and you''ll look like a cow. You''ll be better off having a
cigaretteUSE HYPNOSISDo you really want to stand on your head every time somebody says "cigarette"?
USE ACUPUNTURE
Someone you don''t know will stick large needles into your body. In any
sane society the practitioner would be jailed for tortureTRY EXERCISE
Within five minutes you''ll be red faced, wheezing for breath and
coughing up phlegm. Real exercise buffs will look at you with such pity
that you''ll need a cigarette.
TRY ISOLATION
Lock yourself away, talk to no one, avoid all social contact. You''ll be so bored you''ll need a cigarette.
TRY A CIGARETTE SUBSTITUTE
Do this and you''ll find that
everybody, and I do mean everybody, will
ask you stupid questions like "Are you trying to give up smoking then?"
This will annoy you so much you''ll need to have a cigarette.
TRY TO AVOID SITUATIONS WHERE U WILL WANT A CIGARETTE
This is the standard method given out by all the ''experts.'' It is also
completely useless. Do you really want to give up coffee? Or booze? Or
sex? Or watching television? Or waking up in the morning? See what I
mean.TRY TO BE A NONSMOKER
You''ll find yourself telling smokers how great you feel, how smoking is
a filthy
disgusting habit, and how you''ll never
let a cigarette touch
your lips. These will be lies, and everybody will know it. This lying
will cause you so much stress that you''ll need a cigarette.
So what are you to do? I''ll let you know the only method that really works.
STOP BUYING CIGARETTE
I''ve been nicotine free for six years now.
I feel great. Smoking is a filthy disgusting habit, and I''ll never let another cigarette touch my lips.
More abstracts about the tenways to stop smoking and one that works