To really look sharp, you need to brush up on some nifty grooming tips.
1. Your skin will show the world whatever’s happening in your life. If you’re a teenager, or are stressed or taking drugs, you might have an outbreak of acne. Try to treat the cause as well as the spots.
2. Smoking is as bad for your face as every other part of your body. It’ll make you look like a lizard and smell like an ashtray. You’ll develop yellow teeth and then you’ll die a horrible death. Do whatever it takes to give up.
3. If you’re not drinking enough fluids, or too many of the wrong sort, you might end up with dark smudges under your eyes. The job market for raccoon impersonators is a little depressed now, so some detoxing might be in order.
4. If your face is a real mess, visit a dermatologist, who might recommend a course of vitamins. Invest in a facial - hey, this is the 21st century. If anybody snorts with laughter, just shake your head knowingly. You’ll be proved right when your bank manager takes you to lunch and introduces you to his single, supermodel sister, in the same week you get promoted.
5. If your hair looks dull and lifeless (a bit like life without the fairer sex), try buffing it with a silk tie or scarf while it’s still damp after your morning shower.
6. As tempting as it may be after an hour-long workout or a night out on the town, avoid the scalding hot shower. It’ll dry out your skin and make you look like a mummy. If you really must scald yourself, rehydrate immediately.
7. Sunlight, air-conditioning and flourescent lights also take their toll on your skin, so slap on some protection. You can pay for big-name stuff, but aquaeous cream will work well too. If you’re outside during the day, wear sunscreen. If you’re outside for more than a couple of minutes, invest in a big hat.
8. Look at your complexion objectively. If you’re fair-skinned, avoid wearing black unless you’re an undertaker or a goth. Go for a navy blue or charcoal suit, with a striped or checked shirt.
9. A white shirt looks smart as long as it’s clean and doesn’t smell - much like your face, really. If you’re dark-skinned, you have an advantage, as there’s no chance of looking anemic, so try solid colors or citrus tones. But if you tend to look pale at the best of times, ditch the white shirts, even if your mom says they make you look just like your standard four photo - or perhaps for that reason.
10. Here’s a tip on facial shape. If you have a round, pudding-shaped dial, go for more pointy collars on your shirts. But if you have a face like a horse, shorter collars will prevent colleagues trying to saddle you or feed you lumps of sugar.
11. If you were called a shrimp at school and are self-conscious about your height, stick to clothes with narrow stripes and small checks. As a general rule, smaller checks work better than bigger ones anyway - unless you’re a bookmaker or trying to look like one.
12. If you’re, like, a musician, feel free to wear as much stuff that jangles and rattles as you like. It’s especially useful if you’re the percussionist. But if you’re in an environment more dominated by suits - the people and the outfit - consider toning down the extra stuff you wear. One watch, one wedding or another ring is fine. An earring, perhaps. But if your neck, ears, teeth, fingers and wrists set off the metal detectors, consider an image change. Nobody’s saying you should turn into a wasp overnight, but think about it. There’s always the weekend. (From the wires)