Living with disability.
When you first feel instinctively that something is not right with your child, you somehow
feel you have failed even though it is not your fault at all. People make you think that you can't cope, and have so much advice, you end up feeling bewildered. Both myself and my child were let down by the hospital ending up with myself having a chronic
health problem, and my daughter with learning disabilities. I marvel at her though, because she is beautiful as she is, her world is her world, no more no less. Her peers accept her and protect her because there are no barriers between
children, and everything she looks at is done with a sense of awe and wonder, she has been put through so many tests, yet her smile still remains, if only I had that kind of resilience myself. Surely children are our teachers, I have learnt so much from my daughter's almost daily battles, I watch fascinated as she makes eye contact with me just for a fleeting moment, and I know how vastly beyond all this she actually is. They have labelled my child 'special needs' it brings a sense of greater responsibility. I often question 'did I do this right?, 'perhaps I could have done things differently', she is a sensitive soul, and like other parents I want to wrap my child in cotton wool, but that is not practical. My daughter's world is a world I wish I could explore. People try to do what they think is right, and many cooks often spoil the broth. Like other children with her 'challenges', she excels in music, art and maths. Music turns her into a princess as if by magic, and she is lost in the dance, it does not matter if she doesn't even dance to the beat or moves erratically, jumps up all of a sudden and twirls around, it is her dance and it is that what counts the most. So often we don't dance our own dance, we conform, become like automatons, just going through the motions, I hope my daughter always dances to her own beat. When I first thought of living with disability, both myself and my daughter's, I admit I was afraid and felt like somehow I was being punished, disenpowered. Now I know the opposite is true, I am enpowered and I have such a vast opportunity for growth and rich blessings of abundance of the real and true things in life, which is what it all comes down to in the end.