Oral
Sex Is
Oral sex permitted?
Books of fiqh
tend to be quite dry when it comes to bedroom behavior. What you usually
find is in the form "everything is permissible, except for x, y, and z"
instead of a detailed checklist of things to try if you wish. While the
traditional approach of generality is fine as a teaching tool for students
of knowledge who would be
asked specific questions, it is less effective
when laymen have no one to ask, when the only people available to ask mean
well and know a bit more than the questioner but are laymen themselves,
or when laymen go to the books directly.
So, since the
issue of oral sex is frequently asked it seems necessary to give a general
answer. I apologize that the questioner is going to get less and more than
he originally asked for.
The basic list
of things that are
unlawful between husband and wife include:
Anal sex
Sex during menstruation
and nifas
Sex that would
be harmful or prolong recovery from an illness
When books talks
about what is lawful, they typically mention that a husband and wife may
pleasure one another in any way they wish other than the above
mentioned things. Although not specific to sex, we can add the following:
Swallowing filth
Needlessly getting
filthy These things are obvious.
Regarding the
issue of oral sex, if it can be done in such a way that no filth is involved,
then from the perspective of
lawful and prohibited it in and of itself
would be considered lawful. But the term "oral sex" covers a wide range
of activities, and there are differences between the various schools of
fiqh regarding the purity and filth of bodily fluids, namely: sperm and
vaginal secretions; there seems to be agreement among the Hanafis, Shafi`is,
and Hanbalis that pre-ejaculatory fluid is filthy.
Something that
entirely escapes the problem of filth is a man kissing the outer parts
of his wife''s genitals and sucking her clitoris. The first is mentioned
in many books of Hanbali fiqh, saying that it is permissible before penetration
and offensive after; and to clarify: the issue mentioned is not restricted
to the outer parts. The second is mentioned in the Shafi`i work Fath Al-Mu`in
and its meta-commentary `Iyanat Al-Talibin. For further reference, look
through the index of the book of marriage for the sections concerning looking
at members of the opposite sex and the sections conerning bedroom behavior
.
Based on the
basic guidelines above and based on the example of a man kissing his wife''s
genitals, it should also be lawful for a wife to kiss her husband''s penis
as long as she avoids any areas where there is pre-ejaculatory fluid.
But what Westerners
usually have in mind when they talk about oral sex are fellatio and cunnilingus.
Regarding pre-ejaculatory fluid, the only opinion I have ever seen is that
it is haram. Additionally, even though the Shafi`is and Hanbali schools
both consider sperm to be pure, they both agree that it is unlawful to
swallow. This makes fellatio very highly likely to be unlawful. I suppose
an enthusiastic couple could always use a condom.
As for cunnilingus:
there are differences of opinion regarding whether or not vaginal secretions
are pure or filthy, before and after penetration, and depending on where
they are secreted from. Because of this, it is best avoided.
Should a couple
decide to perform these acts, they must be sure to rinse out their mouths
afterwards. This is something they should be doing in any case, and it
is an essential part of purification for Hanbalis.
For added benefit
and so we don''t need to repeat this topic again: Hanbali books mention
that it is lawful for a husband to achieve ejaculation by his wife masturbating
him, and by rubbing his penis between her thighs or breasts. They also
mention that while anal sex is absolutely unlawful, it is lawful to place
a finger on the anus as long as it does not penetrate. One of the reasons
for mentioning these detailed examples is to show that they were not unknown
to the scholars, and in sha Allah to add strength to the idea that the
general rulings mentioned in the books are sufficient for working out these
detailed cases.
Up to here
the topic concerns the lawful and the prohibited. But this issue is a completely
separate from whether these acts should be done, and whether one spouse
can compel the other one to do them.
When I asked
my sheikh about these very issues he pointed out that while each spouse
is responsible to provide for the other spouse''s sexual needs and to keep
them chaste, it is absolutely unlawful to abuse one another, mentally or
physically. He also points out that Allah Most High in the Qur''an orders
husband and wife to act amicably and well towards one another, and one
needlessly forcing the other to do something--even when they have the right
to demand it--goes against this principle. I once asked whether or not
it was disobedience
if husband demanded fellatio from his and
she refused. His answer was that she is ordered to submit herself to him
for intercourse: something she has not denied him here.
Even if people
find this whole topic disgusting in practice, we should take note that
the example given in the books is one where it is the wife who receives
physical pleasure, not the husband, and that the location mentioned is
the one most likely to bring about an orgasm. So much for the idea that
Islam totally ignores the sexual needs of women, rendering them as little
more than house keepers and sex toys for the husband''s every whim. That
the example of oral sex in fiqh books is for her pleasure and satisfaction
should not go unnoticed.
And Allah knows
best.
More abstracts about the how is oral sex