PARENTING IN INDIA: A CHANGING DIMENSION
A friend of mine once remarked- 'the world is no longer a
good place to raise kids'. This set me thinking. To me, life in the 21st century is challenging, but beautiful. Would my
children feel the same? Would I play an important role in their vision of the world? These are the questions I have attempted to answer here.
Indian society is largely built on a conservative and patriarchal tradition. The woman's identity in this society switches from daughter to wife to mother. Parents, many a time, contribute to perpetuating this conservatism: parents are rarely friends to their children...most of the time, they are judgemental and imposing. With education spreading its tentacles across a wider horizon, more women aim to be self-sufficient, but how many of them aim to be '
individuals'? Individuals who form their own thoughts, views and opinions...individuals who can raise their children more innovatively, and make 'individuals' out of their children. In this regard, a mother often has deeper understanding of her children, and probably has more potential to be non-judgemental towards her children. However, in the typical Indian society, where a woman continues to face marriage and family pressures, she has less opportunity learning more about herself, and there are limitations with respect to what she can offer in terms of development of her children.
In their growing-up years, children are often confused: they grow up in a system determined by the mindset of their parents. In their adolescent years, they are often unable to correlate between the environments within and outside home. From this point on, they either grow completely towards or away from their parents. Self-realization fails to occur. In the instance of growing away from parents, the 'drifting away' is often a phenomenon lacking thought process. Sudden freedom is exhilirating, and it may often culminate in a disastrous chain of events- precisly what parents fear. Growing completely towards parents, on the other hand, perpetuates the cycle of conservatism and tradition.
In India, 'growth' is largely confined to the professional world. Outside profession, there is little growth. Parents often fail to focus on the aptitudes and hobbies of their children. Their goal is to make 'professionals' of their children...the most sought professions continue to be the most sought, for the wrong reasons. The child is made to fit the mould, rather than encouraged to seek his fit. The consequence is professional dissatisfaction, with no outlet. This contributes to stress and frustration.
Here, I quote my own example. At the juncture where I had to choose my career, I was unsure of my own aptitudes, and also of available career options. I got into MB.BS, and it took me 3 years of postgraduate experience and a bit of travel to be able to visualize the big picture. In my years of being on my own in the West, I became increasingly aware of my own potential and interests, and also of more career options that I was suited for. I found the courage to switch from medicine to a more creative field, and I am happy today.
In this regard, I must also state the importance of travel. Travel makes one more open to differences, and also teaches one to deal with differences- a tool crucial in raising children.
To sum up, parents must make life an innovative experience for their children and for themselves. Parenting should not be outcome-oriented. Every child is born with imagination; dont kill it...let it grow. Be open-minded, and encourage the child's imaginative mind. Offer plenty of mental stimulus to the child at home, and develop the child's thought process. Grow up with your children. Be open to experience; be there for them in their experiences. The world would indeed be a beautiful place to live in, for both parents and children!