The book released a decade ago was so absorbing, “The Good Marriage, how and Why Love Lasts,” by psychologists Judith Wallerstein.
Ms. Wallerstein divides marriage into four categories: (1) traditional, where the usband brings home the bacon and the wife cooks it; (2) romantic, where sexual attraction never diminishes and the sex strays great; (3) rescue, where one partner jumps into marriage to escape an unhappy home; and (4)
companionate, where the partners juggle home and work.
Traditional is the way marriages were during the time of our grandparents. Since the husband was the sole earner, he called the shots; the wife did all the adjusting.
In majority of families, the husband was lord and master. If he strayed and maintained a mistress, the wife usually kept mum about it… as long as he was discreet and did not neglect his financial obligations. The wife kept her status in society and family remained intact. Why make a fuss when she would be at a loss financially if her husband left her? Whatever emotional vacuum there was, was filled by the extended family.
Companionate is the contemporary marriage, the marriage of the 90’s where both spouses, principally the wife, struggle with 2 jobs – outside and in the home. With the increasing difficulty of finding household help the husband is expected to share in the household chores and in taking care of the children. The partners are two full individuals assisting and adjusting to each other. At times, the wife may even earn more than the husband. If not handled well, this ma lead to unhealthy competition – sometimes to the detriment of the
relationship and ensuing infidelity of either partner.
Because of the mobility of families today, the nuclear family is usually left alone bereft of the emotional and psychological support of the extended family system. However, mutual understanding, open communication, and a firm commitment to the marriage can make this type of relationship the most effective and fulfilling conjugal union. Respect and mutual admiration foster lasting love built on loyalty, equality, and friendship.