The last time we were best couple, my wife and I were asked to advice the just wedded couple on successful marriage. “They
don’t need our advice”, I said. “…if she submits and he loves, it shall be well…” I paraphrased Ephesians 5:22 – 25. This article is a tribute to one great woman, who has attained this standing (of greatness) through
submission: my wife and my best friend. We’re very happily married. I have no doubt in my mind that it is my wife’s submission that engendered and partly sustains this happiness. Quite a simple formula to “happily ever after”, sure to work religion-inclinations notwithstanding, yet shunned. Shunned, because “enlightenment” and feminism has demonized submission, hence the strife in- or even avoidance altogether of marriage. I support female-emancipation on principle, but this equality clamor has been pushed to unpractical heights… women and men just can’t equal. I’m agreeable to advocating for equity and acknowledgement of women’s roles in society as of equal importance to men’s. I differ when equality means the man also must cook. I cook – voluntarily and when she asks. But we’d have problems with this otherwise romantic activity if she wanted me to cook today because she cooked yesterday. Or because it is Tuesday (and the Rota says it’s me). Tuesday isn’t a good reason for anyone to cook! Submission, at least in the context that my wife submits, is about honoring and obeying from a principle of love; not fear – as in most African cultures hence the fallacy that if submission didn’t tame the African man of the yore it won’t the modern one. Submission is about a God-appointed ranking which has to do with authority and order; not value or ability. As it happens, a Private can be smarter and more talented than a General. But he is still “under rank” to the General. The military term for a situation where the Private refuses to be under rank is “mutiny”. Just exactly what happens to marriage, family and society because the sister won’t be under rank: mutiny! Disorder! I love my wife to bits. You may think that
unconditional love will always love; submission or no submission. But, I have discovered that unreasonable assertiveness – the stuff that feminism is made of – can dampen even the sincerest of unconditional love. In the aforementioned scripture, I believe the dogma “ladies first” is not the reason Paul addresses wives first – to submit, and husbands later. I suspect the reason has to do with the fact that a woman’s unconditional submission is key to taming him. Taming him from expending energies proving his position in the house to truly loving and even submitting back! It must start with the woman… and that’s an honor to the woman if you ask me: that it is the lady to set the atmosphere of a marriage – I can’t think of a better definition of a home maker. We see life as we are, not as it is. So every time a sister says, “…all men are same” (which is never positive) in that they can’t be faithful etc, I sympathize with her because I know she’s saying she has experience, whether direct or indirect, with men that are unfaithful. She is also, partly, promising never to submit. You can expect men will remain the same (whatever that is for you) for as long as ladies will shun submission. Being humans, reasonable men, (which are the majority) wish for happy marriages just as the average lady. So if you had dismissed him to the fairytale world, Mr. Right is potentially in most men out there regardless of your view of them! It isn’t about changing him. Unconditional submission creates the environment for his inherent potential (of being a loving gentleman) to actualize – it is the way man is created. Sisters, your God-given roles and you are indispensable. Working miles from my wife has underscored what lynchpin a woman is to a man’s life! But I am saying, adhering to Paul’s advice (read, “emulating my wife”) is the key not only to a successful marriage but also a happy world. Today I respect ladies mainly because my wife has made me.