In her description of the rules that govern discourse Susan Shimanoff states: In order for
communication to exist, or continue,
two or more interacting individuals must share rules for using symbols. Not only must they have rules for individual symbols, but they must also agree on such matters as how to take turns at speaking, how to be polite or how to insult, to greet, and so forth.
As a child I
learned communication rules that only applied to children.
Before I learned these rules, I falsely believed that children and grown ups shared the same communication rules. For example, I thought I could say the things my mother said and address her the way she addressed me.
I was unaware of the rules of interaction that exist between children and adults. The rules of communication between a child and an adult are very different from the rules that exist between two adults or two children.
My mother taught me how a child should communicate with an adult; thus, I followed what I will call the rules of child-adult communication. As a mother I have taught my son the same rules. This article will address these communication rules, my experiences as a child, how these rules have evolved, and how I have passed them on to my child. The first child-adult communication rule I learned was that I could not address an adult by his or her first name.
When she did not respond I knew that if I wanted to have any type of conversation with her I had to follow this rule.
If my mother considered the person a close or family friend, she told me to put the title Aunt, Auntie, or Uncle before the person''s first name.
Since I was a teenager I thought I was exempt from the child-adult communication rule. Unaware that the rules of interaction had not changed, I called her by her first name.
I was expected to acknowledge her age and the fact that she was old enough to be my mother through the way I addressed her.
This child-adult communication rule assumes that a child must refrain from addressing his or her elders by a first name.
However, I have realized that not all children adhere to the child-adult communication rules.
The second rule I learned as a child related to nonverbal communication in a child-adult relationship.
The third child-adult communication rule I learned as a child involved refraining from the use of profanity.
Needless to say, I stopped using that type of language (or least in the presence of my mother or another adult). This communication rule maintains that children are not allowed to use curse words.
Children in the media use profanity and adults seem to be amused at this type of communication. At times, my son is confused by the communication rule I have set and what he sees in the media.
I have modified the rule. My communication rule maintains that the use of profanity is inappropriate regardless of age. The rules of communication evolved as I grew into adulthood. Although the child-adult communication rules no longer apply to me, I still show respect for my mother.
In some ways the rules of interaction regarding my elders has not changed for me.
I am sometimes unaware of the conversational rules because they are constantly changing.
For the most part, I am teaching my son the same rules of communication I learned as a child. I have modified the profanity rule by removing the child-adult distinction. My son is learning when it is his turn to speak, how to be polite, and how to show respect for adults through the way he communicates.