I have just sent away my hundredth job application in three months and then
made myself a cup of strong black coffee. I was going to send away another
application when I sat down and started reflecting, the results of which you
are now reading.
The pain of waiting for someone to look at the impressive list of
qualifications I have accrued over the years to give me that one chance to
prove my worth is probably just as painful as giving birth to a child. Not that I
know how it actually it
feels like to give birth to a child. I will never know by
virtue of my gender. But from what I have heard, it’s dreadfully painful. And that is the way I feel
right now. Great hurting!
I have rewritten my CV several times over with the guidance of CV experts
and Internet based tips from renowned recruiters. The endeavors seem not to have had an
effect yet. I pulled myself every morning out of bed weary and exhausted from
all the pent up energy. My life was being wasted by its unproductive monotonous ramifications.
With a PhD in my pocket, it was surprising that I was wilting into
some kind of strange vegetable. What happened to all the claims I heard in
school about the security that came with a
good education. What happened to the
noble profession that I opted for? Was I loosing my mind? I was afraid for my
future!
Sometimes I wake up angry at my life, bitter at the sound of my own
name, hate the colour of my own skin and swear nasty expletive for the day I
was conceived. Like everyone else, I never had a choice to choose where, what
parents, country,
race, or sex to be
born into. I dont think that I would have choosed differently though
I stopped to wonder what choice I would have made especially now
that I knew the disadvantages of accidentally being born on the ‘
wrong’ side
and the benefits that came with ending up on the ‘right’ and favoured side. Is
there really a ‘wrong’ and a ‘right’ side? I am still grappling with that
question.
Yes, ironically, there are people all around me that think they are
better than me: claiming they were born into the perfect race, with the perfect
skin colour and with a name that will open doors to them like a wizard’s magic
wand. Being me you would better become used to being waved aside when you show
your head through the door before you even utter a word! Are u trying to feel
my pain now?
By all standards, I am not a boring guy and by every standard, I am a
relatively good looking guy of good demeanour and more
than an average IQ. What then is is about me that make some people treat me
with scorn and suspicion? I do not know how it feels to be someone else, but I
know how it feels to be. So I talk for myself.
However, like everyone else, I am a product of the act of passion of
two individuals. Like everyone else, I was born to fill a space on the face of
the earth. Like everyone else regardless of identity, I grew up to learn that the
entropy that came with life will be a constant challenge till the day I will
take my last earthly breath.
I was to grow up to learn that, even though everyone is human, have
the same needs, crave for the same things in life, some people will pride themselves
to be superior over me and that I was born to serve.
One important thing I will learn as I go through the rambling
confused stages of being a teenager to a happiness seeking adult is that, fairy
tales rarely happen in real life. I will learn that life is about struggling. In
love I will struggle to win and keep affection. In love l will live in
vulnerability and will be hurt again and again. In sadness I will struggle to
gain happiness.
See continuation
More summaries about the Prejudices and identities