1. Your mate is more attentive to your needs than usual. This is due
to the guilt feelings experienced by the cheater
in the early stages of
his or her affair. The
attention will diminish as the affair continues.
2. Your mate begins buying you gifts — lots of gifts. These are
"guilt gifts" purchased because your partner feels guilty about
betraying you and showering you with presents makes him or her feel
better.
3. Your mate's behavior is causing a gut feeling in you that
something isn't right. If this happens, pay attention to your
instincts. Ignoring them means you want to blind yourself to the truth.
You know your mate's habits, routines and attitudes better than
anybody, so be suspicious when these things change.4. Your mate frequently picks fights with you. Doing this gives him
reason to get mad and storm out of the house and thus the opportunity
to meet a lover. A cheater may also do this because of mixed emotions
he is feeling about betraying you.
5. Your mate constantly talks about your
relationship ending when
you fight or argue. She says things like, "What would you do if our
relationship ended?" or "If anything ever happened to us, I would
always love you like a friend." In general, she seems very negative
about your relationship. Your mate makes these statements because she
has a lover to fall back on if your relationship ends. If your partner
repeats these kinds of statements often, be suspicious.
6. Your mate becomes very moody. He or she seems very
upbeat and excited when leaving you but acts somber and depressed when
around you. If your mate is in a long-term affair, he/she will try to
keep both relationships running smoothly. Any problems the cheater has
in one relationship will spill over into the other relationship as
well. This is inevitable.
7. Your mate never talks to you. You live together but don't interact. He has become cold and inconsiderate of your feelings.
8. Your mate's taste in music suddenly changes. For instance, she
always listened to pop music but suddenly starts listening to country
music. Your partner might be listening to and growing fond of this new
type of music because her lover listens to it.
9. Your mate lacks self-esteem. This doesn't necessarily mean he
will go out and have an affair, but an insecure individual often looks
to others for guidance. If an insecure person's needs aren't being met,
he might find the desired feelings of security and positive feedback in
an affair with someone else.
10. Your mate continually criticizes another person. She is trying
to make you think that type of individual would never be of interest to
her, although there actually exists a secret attraction.
11. Your mate criticizes things about you that he or she once found attractive and appealing.
12. Your mate easily becomes offended at the comments, however harmless, that you make.
13. Your mate stops paying attention to you, your children and home-life in general.
14. Your mate begins closing doors when you are around, when before
he or she would leave them open. For instance, the Bathroom-Door Rule:
Couples in long-term relationships often leave their bathroom doors
open while attending to necessities even if their partners are nearby.
As affairs develop, the cheating mates will close bathroom doors,
distancing themselves physically and psychologically from their
partners.
15. Your mate stops complimenting you on your looks.
16. Your mate stops saying, "I love you."
17. You mate acts guilty when you do something nice for him or her.
You are supposed to be the person who is making life miserable and the
relationship untenable. By doing something nice, you force the cheater
to think about what he or she is doing.
18. Your mate turns the table and accuses you of cheating but has no evidence.
19. Your mate would rather spend time with friends than be with you.
20. Your mate shows no interest in your relationship's future.
21. Your mate stops being affectionate.
22. Your mate is more interested in reading a book or watching television than talking with you or making love to you.
23. Your mate frequently talks about the problems a friend,
neighbor, coworker, course instructor or classmate of the opposite sex
is having.
24. Your mate begins using new catch phrases or starts to tell types
of jokes or express opinions that are unusual for him or her.
25. Your mate pays less and less attention to your children. They
seem to sense something is wrong and don't seem to be as emotionally
healthy or secure as they once were.
26. Your mate has been acting emotionally distant and withdrawn but
when you ask about it, he doesn't want to discuss it and becomes very
protective of his privacy.
27. Your mate seems disinterested and distracted during sex.
28. Your mate talks in her sleep and mentions the name of a particular person on more than one occasion.
29. Your mate seems startled or confused when awakened. This
uncertainty may be caused by not being sure which bedroom and which
lover's bed he or she is in.
30. Your mate's behavior is such that your friends begin asking you
what's wrong. Close friends and family members often will notice
tension or discord between the two of you before you are fully aware of
it.
31. Your mate easily becomes offended when you make normal and
natural inquiries and may demand to know why you are checking up on him
or her.
32. Your mate's sleeping pattern changes considerably from the norm
and may include unexplainable exhaustion, restlessness, frequent
nightmares and sleep-talking.