When beginning a pair relation that interests to us, we felt a little jealousy, is normal and in its right measurement it is good, because they express certain dose of commitment and affection towards the pair.
The problem arises when the jealous person begins to distort her perception of the reality and acts or dá incongruous and disproportioned answers. For example when the distrust becomes habitual and frequently reviews the pockets of the pair, or the messages of the cellular one or, in extreme cases, or persecute it and watch in obsessive form. These behaviors, together with fights and constant accusations, along finish (or not) to distance to the loved being. These are the cases in that the jealousy are “sickly” and are strongly associate with the neurosis and the emotional instability.
The more unstable she is the person, the more prone will be to have jealousy. One is a very intense emotion and complex, associated with painful feelings of fear, abandonment, it distresses, loss, quarrel, treason, envies and humiliation. The repetitive cognitivos processes are associated with the doubt and the constant preoccupation of which our pair deceives to us or is to us unfaithful. This activated by an insignificant event (like seeing or smiling to another one). The force of this complex emotion arises when the system of attachment in our brain is activated, that is the base of our earlier social bonds of our existence, and which they request aid to ours “I” when it is threatened by a loss or the abandonment.
Who suffer pathological jealousy have a high degree of insecurity and low self-esteem, for that reason the problem also has to do with the identity. It is gone to the jealousy when we felt that we are in “danger”, when the sense of identity of the person is in danger. When appearing these out of proportion jealousy are probable that it is in the beginning of an identity crisis. Despite the attention it is turned aside towards third, a rival, who stops the jealous person is better or has better attributes than he. This indicates “the desire of being better to return to form what we are ".
Many jealous people control to their pairs, or use other tactics like shouting when she speaks to him with somebody, avoid that they see his relatives or friends undermine their self-esteem, often appears the physical or psychological violence. The psychologist Steven Stosny affirmed that “ the formula for the jealousy is an uncertain person, the one that tends to destabilize the relation and to return it fragile ".
But there am one more a more positive feflexión to near the jealousy here: not only they can take “a destructive” way, but by the opposite to serve to initiate something “constructive”: this is to autoobservar, to discover to us that it is happening to us on the inside, to automirar and to repair ours deeper sense to us of I.
In conclusion: in general form the sickly or pathological jealousy are so intense that they distort or they destroy the rational thought, and they end up moving away to our loved beings and destroying the relations. The divorce is a reality and the infidelity in many cases is inevitable.
The GOOD thing is that these sickly jealousy can be cured
The BAD thing is that it depends on us.
We become position and we look for aid if we cannot single, not to continue losing what more we loved.