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Daily Star

Article Summary   by:reDeeM    
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Why can’t you hold the f***ing door open? You’ve got a little extra money to spend on yourself, so you decide to go shopping one Saturday. All’s going fine on your drive there; you’ve got your favourite radio station on as you think of what you want to buy. All’s well when you get out your car and when you buy your pay and display ticket and even on the way down in the lift. But then the lift doors open. Firstly it’s a mad dash to get out the doors first, like all of a sudden they’ve been sprayed in the face with a deadly virus and there’s only one cure, and it happens to be in W.H. Smith. Then when you finally get out, it’s like your invisible. Either people get in your way, cutting you up so much you just pray that they’ll all fall and break their legs, or dear old Ethel walks in front of you at the same speed of a slug on crack. Trying to buy something is hell too. If you get into the shop after the obstacles you’ve just completed, you spot what you’re looking for and go and have a look. Whilst deciding if you’ll buy it, you get some a**hole, who doesn’t know what “personal space” is, getting so close you don’t know whether he’s just stupid, wants what you’ve got or is trying to kiss you. Once you’re at the checkout the Saturday girl looks at you like you’re a piece of sh*t as she chews her gum and continues to think the whole world revolves around her.
By the time you’re ready to leave you just about as irritated as possible; and as your blood begins to boil, because of the man who just blew smoke in your face, a demonic chav creature slams the door in your face because couldn’t be arsed to hold it open for you. So you begin screaming: “Why can’t you hold the f**king door open?” Of coarse then everyone is shocked, they think you’re “unstable”, as everyone begins to back away from you, and mothers turning their children away saying: “Shield your eyes” If people would have a little bit of common curtsey there probably wouldn’t be half as much violence in the world. People would be more relaxed, which would cut heart attacks down too. It doesn’t hurt to think about someone else for a second, the world won’t implode because for one milli-second you forgot you were only thing that matters to hold the door open for a hagged looking man whose temples are jumping out of his skull. You may just save his sanity.
Published: November 30, 2005   
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